


The Answer

by Sonny



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-01-01
Updated: 2005-01-01
Packaged: 2017-10-12 18:44:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/127899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonny/pseuds/Sonny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A moment in Brian and Michael's past is relived as Brian ponders a life-altering question asked by Michael in the present...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is for us die-hard B/M-ers who know that the *connection* (you know I mean the *luv*) between our boys was felt from the minute they lay eyes on one another at the age of fourteen... and it hasn't let up since.

**The Answer _By Sarah McLachlan_** :  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 **I will be the answer at the end of the line**  
 **I will be there for you while you take the time**  
 **In the burning of uncertainty I will be your solid ground**  
 **I will hold the balance if you can't look down**

 **If it takes my whole life, I won't break, I won't bend**  
 **It'll all be worth it, worth it in the end**  
 **`Cause I can only tell you what I know**  
 **that I need you in my life**  
 **When the stars have all gone out**  
 **you'll still be burning so bright**

 **Cast me gently into morning**  
 **For the night has been unkind**  
 **Take me to a place so holy**  
 **That I can wash this from my mind**  
 **The memory of choosing not to fight**

 **If it takes a whole life, I won't break, I won't bend**  
 **It'll all be worth it, worth it in the end**  
 **'Cause I can only tell you what I know**  
 **That I need you in my life**  
 **And when the stars have all burned out**  
 **You'll still be burning so bright**  
 **Cast me gently into morning for the night has been unkind**

*********************************************************  
*********************************************************

 ** 19yrs ago - High School Sophomore Year : **

**_The loud banging on the Novotny's household's front door began at exactly 9:43pm._ **

Michael never heard one peep, nor had he known that the phone had rung nearly a half-hour before.

The lousy weather forecast didn't start until ten minutes later. It didn't seem like the rain was ever going to let up.

Michael couldn't be bothered with the annoyance of his stupid, childish fears... so he just tried to block the outside noises with as much commotion inside to make him forget. He'd been in the bathroom, getting ready to hit the sack. Showering away a very crappy day in Sophomore Hell in high school.

Something had definitely been missing from it being the usual tolerable cruelty, for the full eight hours. Or maybe Michael should say that *someone* was missing?

Debbie Novotny had called, around 8:15pm, to tell Michael that she'd be pulling an extra four hours, which could possibly balloon into a full twelve hour shift. She promised Michael that she'd drive him into school in the morning, even if she had to lose her job over it. And, without fail, she knew Michael had needed to be reminded to bring in the rugs, hanging on the backyard's clothes line.

Michael trekked out of the bathroom, through the empty house in just a towel around his waist. Somehow Debbie had forgotten to place the washed load of whites in the dryer, from this morning. Michael had no clean underwear to put on.

The first thunderclap sounded about 9:52pm. Lightning blanketed both before and after, illuminating the back and front windows of the house.

As Michael made his way over to the washer, he flipped on the radio to hide the sounds of the storm brewing. He stood at the open lid, unsure of what soaked clothing was his alone. He had some idea that his mother's bras and panties were in here, too. Maybe he could close his eyes, tightly, reach in, holding his breath and just pray for mercy on his soul.

Brian. God Damn! Why had HE popped into Michael's mind without any motivation, or prodding, whatsoever? Probably because when Michael needed some shred of courage to take a usual cowardly step forward, into the *unknown*, Brian would become his most solid and strongest inspirational force. Even with the paltry task of the dark, mysterious abyss of foreign laundry.

Yeah... Brian could do this. Heck, Brian could probably juggle womens' underclothes in his hands without an embarrassed bone in his body.

Brian... yeah... Brian Kinney. Michael's best... no... wait... make that his EX-best friend in the whole world. Because no REAL friend would leave in THAT way with too much animosity and unfinished business between them.

It also didn't dispute the fact Brian could probably reach inside this silly washer, one-handed, without having to teeter precariously on the edge of the washer, feet barely touching the ground.

Michael hopped up on the machine, diving in to grab what his hands would hold, without dropping, so he could start at least SOME of is underwear to getting permanently dry.

Michael never saw the shadowed figure along the curtain on the back door. Never knew the figure's weakened state on the tiny back porch. The way the figure collapsed on the steps, utterly drenched from the pouring rain. The figure had found some, somewhat, clean rugs to wrap around him, covering himself from the small chill in the air. They were still fairly dry and would protect the figure for however long he would remain outside, unnoticed.

Michael threw in the clothes and some dryer sheets. He burned a trail upstairs to brush his teeth and tidy up the bathroom. He always left puddles on the tiled floor that his mother grumbled about, equivocating him to the level of a wet dog.

Michael wanted to get as prepared for a night of shutting himself in his bedroom. Dressed in comfy pajamas, flashlight in hand and plenty of Captain Astro comics under the covers so he could wait out the moment until their shitty electricity kicked off, knocking nearly the whole block into darkness 'til morning light.

But as Michael hummed along to the music, he couldn't stand the scratching noises that sounded on the windows. He seen too many cheesy horror movies that generally proved that it could either be as simple as a tree or as complex as a mass murderer trying to get his attention.

Michael had known it was the *tree*, all along.

Uncle Vic had constantly promised Debbie he'd cut down the tree's branches so it didn't make a racket against the house. But Vic hadn't visited, from New York, in quite some time. Debbie wasn't gonna do it herself, since she hated heights. Michael wanted to help, but Debbie didn't trust him to follow through on chores.

Hmm... chores... chores? Oh, shit!! The rugs!!

Michael quickly spit out the foaming toothpaste in his mouth, rinsed his brush and proceeded to pick up all the soaked towels on the floor. He rushed downstairs, praying to some higher power that they could hear him. There's no telling how drenched those rugs would get hanging out in the rain this long.

As he passed the coat rack, near the front door on his way into the kitchen, Michael snatched down a rain slicker. He put it on over the huge towel about his small waist. He would've thrown on a pair of dirty sweatpants he saw in a laundry basket, but time was of the essence. He slipped on an old pair of sneakers that Debbie had planned on throwing in the garbage soon, but she used them to garden in, since she didn't want to muck any of her new shoes.

The second Michael opened the back door a familiar body, rolled in the very rugs he was coming out to yank down, fell on it's back, looking up at him from the mud-caked, rain-puddled tile. It looked as if he had crawled onto the porch steps and simply fainted between the screen door and wooden-paneled door.

"HOLY!! BAT-SHIT!!" Michael jumped back in fright from the doorway. It took him only a second to recognize the dazzling, gorgeous smile blazing up at him.

The same smile Michael had thought lost to him, barely, one week ago.

"Heeeeeyyyyyy, Mmmiiiiikkkkeeeyyyy." Brian wiped at his moist face, rubbing the extra water through his already slicked hair.

"What The Fuck?! You're supposed to be..."

Brian rose his brow in a similar look of mock shock. "On THEE road moving to Buttfuck, Nowheresville. I know." He closed his eyes in silent agony. "Don't you dare fuckin' remind me."

"It's all you talked about for a month... asshole."

"I've been a *shit* to you. On purpose. I'm not proud of who I turned into. I had to let you go... make the transition a little easier." Brian could see Michael was having a hard time understanding the fucked-up logic.

Michael knew his priorities... he pulled the two rugs off of Brian. "Thanks for bringing these in for me. You saved my ass." He noticed that Brian HAD truly helped him out. The rugs weren't as wet as they should be.

"And a swell *HOW-DEE-DOO* to you, too... little shit!!"

"I'm not listening to you... prick!"

Brian over-dramatized the moment by stretching out his arms, akimbo, on the floor. "So... you lied. You ARE talking to me again."

Michael hung the rugs over two kitchen chairs to drip dry. He paced back over to Brian. He wanted to do something more than simply stand there. Something akin to holding him tight, but Michael was still too upset.

Michael never wanted to physically harm Brian, he just wanted his pain validated. He crossed his arms over his scrawny chest, staring down at his best friend, who was batting his long, pretty eyelashes with those mesmerizing hazel eyes of his. "You aren't really here."

Brian was expecting forgiveness way too fast.

"I came back for you, Mikey." For only a minute, there was almost sincerity behind the comment. Then Brian had to open his smart-ass mouth again. "Did you miss me, sweet cheeks?!?"

"Get the fuck up!"

Brian held up one arm, barely able to keep it high enough for Michael to grab. No one could tell if it was shaking because of the cold rain or for some other reason. "Help me?" Brian wasn't going to divulge anything until he knew Michael was home alone.

"Why should I?"

Brian tried to disguise his shivering body by laughing. "I like your towel, Mikey. I, especially, like what's underneath... or NOT underneath, even more." He sent up a subtle wink. He made himself snicker, but actually sent his drowning lungs into a coughing fit.

"You told me to forget you even existed, Brian. How am I supposed to...?" Michael took a minute to actually peruse Brian in his prone form. He kicked off the old sneakers and bent to sit on the floor. He'd gotten used to silently watching Brian at these moments, able to tell when something strange was going on.

Brian was keeping something from him. Something that told of why he was here... in the worst rainstorm of the season.

Brian had made a Big Bru-ha-ha of his father getting a new job, in a new town, in a new state... where Brian could try a brand new life all over again. With, possibly, even a brand new best friend.

Why wasn't Brian there, instead of on the Novotny's kitchen floor?

There was a funny rhythm to Brian's breathing. Instead of an even up-n-down motion, there was a moment of hiccuping that broke the cycle.

"Michael..."

"Brian..."

They both spoke at the same time, felt the same silly humor at the way they knew what the other was going to say. Their eyes caught, held trapped by hurt feelings and the stinging loss of a deep connection... and they smiled stupid grins that made them flush.

Their apologies had been said in that second of intense stares, quietly agreeing to move beyond the past.

Brian cleared his throat, the early stages of his Adam's Apple bobbed up, to sweep down as he swallowed heavily. "You first, Mikey."

Michael was only a few inches from Brian's soft, wet hair. His fingers itched to comb through the thick locks to massage away the usual tension that built up from living under the heavy thumb of Jack Kinney. He didn't speak for nearly three whole, uninterrupted minutes. Michael, still in the rain slicker and bath towel, moved to lay on his stomach. His face hovered above Brian's on the floor. Michael stared at him, unmoving, making his best friend very nervous and self-conscious.

Brian watched Michael rearrange his near-naked body on the dirty laundry/mud room floor. "Mikey... I..." He feared what would be learned if he got too close.

The truth always hurt worse when he had to tell Michael, because he hated causing his best, and only, friend any pain. Michael lived out each feeling that Brian had blocked out, which made Brian react even worse. And it seemed to be the same shitty story repeated with no happy ending in sight.

Michael reached out his palm to lay on Brian's erratically breathing upper chest. "What did HE do this time?"

"Mich-..."

Chocolate eyes begged, near tears, down into the frightened tawny gaze that held for a minute longer than usual. "Brian... no more lies..." Michael's dark lashes brushed against his rosy cheeks as he bent his forehead to mesh with Brian's.

Brian tried to open his mouth to speak, but found his voice was gone. Two full-bodied tears fell out of his wide eyes. His shaking hand reach out to grip Michael's on his chest.

Michael began to allow the thicker tears to flow down his face at the sign of Brian's crying. "You're safe now. He can't hurt you when I'm near." He pressed his lips against the cool skin of Brian's face. "I won't let him." His hand on Brian's chest soothed a comforting rhythm, then began to thread with the long, trembling fingers.

"Mikey... h-h-ee-lp meee... h-h-h-h-oooo-ld me...." Brian awkwardly reached up his only strong arm to latch over Michael's shoulder, drawing as close as their bodies would allow.

With the strength of ten men, Michael did as Brian asked and lifted his best friend out of the doorway and into his waiting lap as he sat on the floor. "Ssshhh... it's okay. It's okay, Brian." He petted the normally perfectly coiffed hair. "I've got you now." *I'd keep you forever, if I could.*, Michael thought to himself as he squeezed Brian tight.

Michael held onto Brian for dear life, not sure that this wasn't all a joke. A wild dream to give him what he wanted most in the world. He cradled Brian and rocked him into an even tempo of some long-ago sung lullaby in his ear. Something his mother would sing to him when he was sick as a baby.

Brian buried his face in Michael's naked, pubescent chest, loving the smells generated on his skin. The Irish Spring soap, the minty breath from Colgate and the Tide laundry detergent smell on his hands. Home. Brian felt like he had walked for days to end up here. And he cried for every moment that he yelled at Michael in hurt, every minute of pain he'd caused Michael because of his foolish emotions and for making Michael have dreams he could never fulfill. He didn't care about himself anymore, he only wanted to lose himself in the moment, forgetting that he even had a family outside this warm, cozy home.

The best friends shared in the misery by holding on and never letting one another go.

Michael didn't ask questions and Brian remained silent, willing to do whatever would keep Michael in his arms.

"Come on..." Michael finally lifted his head. "Let's get you upstairs, out of those wet clothes and into something dry. You can sleep in my bed."

Brian sniffled against Michael's skin, nuzzling the naked chest under his cheek like a newborn would it's mother. "You'll be in it, right?"

Michael chuckled to be the only person to know what a *softie* Brian Kinney was. "Yeah. Whatever you need, Brian." He kissed Brian's cheek trying to get them motivated to move. "Can you walk?"

"Ah... it only hurts when I breathe." Brian laughed, sending himself into coughing fits, again. "Or laugh. Or move just one inch." An arm went around his lower ribs as he used Michael as a sturdy *post* in order to stand on his own feet.

Michael did a majority of the lifting as they made their way towards the stairs. He placed himself under Brian's arm as they walked past the front door. He stopped them, took off the slicker and threw it to the floor, in the general area of the coat rack. Debbie would just have to scream at him tomorrow, Brian was more important.

Brian tried to lift one leg to make it up, but paused... the pain overwhelming him. "Shit! Fuck?!"

"What? What is it?" Michael hovered like a mother-hen, feeling about Brian's wet clothing. He hadn't even bothered doing a bodily check of Brian's possible injuries

Brian groaned inward as he stared down at Michael. "Deb?"

"Work. Possible twelve hours."

"She's a good woman."

"The best."

"You're lucky to have her, Mikey." Brian looped his arm around Michael's neck, to squeeze and kiss his chubby cheek. "Thank you." He breathed in his best friend's calming essence. Something he'd been missing for days. Something he didn't realize he could function without until he'd forced the issue.

"Shut up. You'd do the same for me. Just... remind me of how *cool* Ma is when we're thirty."

"I thank her every day, in my head..." Brian pointed to his temple. "... that she had you. I don't know... what I'd do if..."

Michael took the first step up. "I know. There's no need."

"No... you know... there is a need." Brian shook his head at Michael's ease at trying to change the subject when he felt like complimenting him. "I seem to be searching for something, Mikey. Like ALL the answers... but every time I run away or think of leaving... everything circles back to... you. This place... this home... Uncle Vic... Deb."

Michael sighed heavily, moving to cover Brian's mouth from saying anymore. "Stop, Brian."

"No! You stop it, Mikey!" Brian grabbed for Michael's hands, yanking him to pause, once again, to concentrate their eyes on one another's features.

"Stop what?"

"Killing the fuck out of the moment."

"Sorry. I'm trying to get over my initial shock of you actually being here." Michael slowly shook his head, the tears filling his eyes again, the face growing red. His once searching hands took on a different path of discovery, making sure his best, and only, friend was truly in front of him. "I never thought I'd see you..." His hands ended up surrounding Brian's trim hips, sliding through the empty belt loops. "You never even bothered to say *g'bye*."

In the week Brian had been gone, there was some weight loss. The jeans sagged on the normally fit, muscular frame. Michael's fingertips felt every delicate bone shaped under the pale flesh.

Brian silenced Michael with his lips. His own tears falling with no method of control. "Shush." He sniffed once, leaning his head against Michael's jaw. "That never happened. It can't happen, ever again. It hurt too much to leave you once."

Brushing back the flyaway bangs over Brian's forehead, Michael nodded his head, smoothing his hand over Brian's nape. "I haven't even said your name in a week. Ma's wondering if I'm sick or dying. She hasn't seen me this sad since Captain Astro issue #1-..."

Brian put a finger over Michael's lips, staring at the firm skin beginning to smile for him. "It's enough, Mikey. I know how much you love your superheros." He understood exactly what Michael was trying to convey to him.

The unmistakable, unconditional love and devotion. Brian always had a pillow to rest his head on wherever Michael was. And right now, he needed sleep and someone to hold, most of all.

"Mom was doing laundry. I think we can find you something to wear." Michael smirked and lifted his eyebrow. "I know how much you love to sleep in nothing but your charming smile." He aided Brian up the steps, slowly, one at a time.

"Tonight I'm cold enough where I need the extra warmth."

They entered Michael's bedroom and Brian went immediately to the twin mattress. He stretched out on the surface. His legs still bent, feet planted on the floor. "Jack's new job at the mill... fell through."

"Oh, yeah?" Michael pretended to feign interest.

"Yeah, they hired some veteran from the inside, who was about to retire. They offered him a lot of money to come back."

"Well... good for him."

Brian put up a pointing index finger to drive home his next statement. "Not good for Jack. This will mess with his retirement and all his huge future plans. He didn't take the news very well. Thank God they kept his old job at the plant."

"Well, no matter how you look at it, Brian, that's still good news." Michael couldn't help smirking at how good it was for HIM. Brian was back in his life, back in Pittsburgh. Back in his bedroom, back in his arms. Not two inches from him, allowing him to touch and caress every inch of his available body.

Brian craved the attention from the only person he'd become this vulnerable for, who wouldn't abuse the privilege.

"Maybe... but Jack didn't like hearing that, though. Not one bit." Brian sniffed wiping at his face. He didn't need to go into detail about what Jack had done to react to such news.

Having to return, with your tail between your legs, to the city you couldn't wait to see the ass end of. Jack was probably livid... and Brian's smart-ass comments weren't going to improve the situation.

Michael knew the routine like clockwork. He plopped down on his knees, in front of Brian, slipping off the well-worn sneakers. He didn't comment that their treads were nearly down to the soles, but Brian was a proud Kinney. Michael knew Brian would rectify the situation when it needed to be done. He didn't want to be coddled.

Michael yanked the soggy socks off and plopped them in a pile he had started to form for Brian's clothing.

Brian's arms splayed over the twin bed, up above his head. "Michael..."

"Yeah, Brian?"

"Do you suppose... when we least expect it... God actually DOES watch over us?"

Michael furrowed his brow as he set Brian's chilled feet back on the floor. They were red and sore from constant walking with no sign of rest. Christ!

What kind of torture had Jack put Brian under? How far DID Brian have to walk to come back to The Pitts?

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you know how people carry themselves, sometimes dragged by the scruff of their necks, into church in order to lend an ear (and a mouthful) to God and ask, like, this grocery list of confessions, prayers and general worshipin' nonsense... and it seems to take forever and then some don't get any answers. But then you find yourself down in the dumps, face in the gutter water... no one to turn to but yourself, then... KA-POWIE!! without even asking..."

"Something wonderful happens to make it all seem a little brighter." Michael added without any hesitation.

"Yeah, sort of. Does that make any sense?"

Michael got up off his knees to work on Brian's zipper and slipping the soaked jeans off. "Let me get this straight, you're trying to say God gets tired of the people who consistently show up at his *house of worship*, blabbin' on-n-on about their problems and struggles, looking for handouts? But that his true miracles come when we DON'T ask, yet he does answer us without any begging for help?"

Brian held up his palm. "See! Exactly what I was trying to say, but with less alcohol numbing my tongue."

Michael was pulling the jeans off, inside out, down Brian's slim legs. He momentarily admired Brian's thighs that were incredibly muscular, despite his decrease in weight. When had that happened? And the soft spattering of dark, honeyed hair along the naked flesh was making his fingers itch to caress. He rubbed his warm hands over Brian's chilled skin, trying to heat up their cold temperature.

Michael reached down for Brian to take his hands, lifting his torso. "Up!"

Brian looked at Michael in complete silence, holding out one hand. "Did you hear me?"

"What? That you had a drink?" Michael shrugged one shoulder. He tried to work Brian out of his buttoned shirt, if he would simply cooperate. "Who hasn't, at our age?" He tried to undress him slowly, since each move caused Brian to grunt in pain, aching from certain bruising underneath. Michael tried to fill the awkwardness with babbling. "I've stolen a few sips of Ma's wine and a few other bottles from her stash in the bar. Vic usually lets me sip at his beer. No biggie."

Brian sucked in a shocked breath. "Mikey, do I need to arrange an intervention?"

"No. You know what you need to do?"

"What?"

"Shut up and let me undress you. The quicker I get you naked, the sooner I can get you in bed..." Michael didn't realize how *loaded* that comment was, until Brian literally raced to tear off his shirts. Michael stopped him with his hands. "Only so I can get you warm, Brian."

Brian mouthed the word *Boo*, over-extending the length. "Oh..." He pinched his lips shut, pretending to lock up his mouth and throw away the key.

Michael then reached for the hem of the white crew-neck t-shirt. When he tried to lift the last piece of Brian's clothing, except for the underwear, he met resistance. "Brian, stop it! I need to..."

"No you don't. Let me keep the shirt on." Brian tried to avoid Michael's hands.

"Brian, it's sopping wet! You'll make yourself sicker than you already, probably, are."

Both of them struggled to strip Brian's chest naked. Funny that Brian was the one who wanted to remain clothed.

"I never get sick." Which was followed by a good sneeze and then a flem-filled cough.

"Never... say... never...!" Michael found a moment to dive in and begin tickling Brian, which lessened his usual strong grip. He almost had the wet material halfway up Brian's torso, when Brian stood to his great height, towering over Michael.

"Wait! Let me do it. I can do a few things on my own." Brian's hands crossed to reach for the hem of his t-shirt. It was slightly heated from his slowly growing, evenly temperature body. He hesitated as he got the shirt somewhat up his slim form. "Can I convince you to leave the room... or take a meal break... find a magazine to read?"

"What? You grew a third nipple while you were gone?" Michael raised an eyebrow in wonderment to why Brian was acting so shy. "I've seen you naked before, Brian."

Brian laughed, lightly, his features going back to their serious mode. One hand on his shirt, the other on Michael's own naked chest. "I know, but... I need you to promise me that whatever you see... you won't get upset..."

"Yes."

"Promise me, Mikey." Brian wasn't convinced.

"Brian, come on... it can't be..." Michael tried to hold back his outburst, because he was trying to hold true to his promise. The sight before him was too nauseating to NOT get upset over. "... that bad."

Oh, how wrong that was!!

Brian brought down his wet t-shirt, again. "Michael, you promised." His hand came out to place the palm over Michael's eyes.

Michael tried to avert his head, to keep the tears at bay. "Here!" He threw Brian a new, dryer t-shirt. "This should fit you. I'll leave you alone!" On his way out, he grabbed a set of pajamas bottoms with a color-coordinated t-shirt from his clean laundry basket. He'd forego the underwear for another hour or so. He just needed to leave that room before he either upchucked or cried like a freakin' baby. He didn't want Brian to witness anything he might do in response.

"Michael!" Brian was too late as he yelled, after Michael shut the bedroom door softly.

Safely inside the bathroom, Michael changed quickly out of his bath towel. Towel off, pajama bottoms on and his t-shirt over his head, he could distinguish quiet footsteps outside the closed door.

A light knock sounded on the paneling. "Michael... can I come in?"

 **==========tbc...==========**


	2. Chapter 2

**_Michael was fidgeting at the bathroom sink. He tried to feign happiness, hiding the tears he'd been shedding. "Sure can!" He heard Brian shuffle in, so he moved out of his way, becoming a *tour guide*, of sorts. "Here's the toothpaste. And you can have this brush, it's been barely used. Here's the soap in case you wanna..." He was looking at Brian, off-n-on, in the reflection from the mirror.

"Michael, don't." Brian stepped up behind the slight, nervous form of Michael's, their eyes melding in the mirror.

"Don't what?" Michael felt calmer talking to Brian in the mirror.

"Cover for me. I won't be angry if you cry in front of me... just... stop at some point, huh? I don't like making you upset." He inched near, pinning Michael to the sink ledge, wrapping his arms completely around his sweetest, kindest best companion in the whole world. "I missed you." He pressed his warm lips to the crevice of Michael's neck and collarbone.

Michael shut his eyes, almost sure he was dreaming Brian here, in his arms. He reached up to latch onto Brian's forearms. "I missed you, too. Don't ever do that to me again, crazy bastard!" He turned in those familiar arms to bring his front flush with Brian's. He stood on tip-toes to hug him as tight as he could.

"Come back to bed. I see you have the perfect night planned out." Brian swiped the backs of his fingers over Michael's wet skin. He tried to imprint this beautiful face in his mind for those times when he couldn't be right beside his favorite non-sexual bed partner. "Have you started reading any of those comics yet?" Brian laced his fingers with Michael's, swinging their connection behind him on the way back to the bedroom.

Like clockwork, there was a loud clap of lightning, mixed with thunder... the lights flickered and then... the power went out.

"Mikey..." Brian swung his arm behind Michael's back, hand over the perfectly round backside. He tucked Michael close to his side, in case he got frightened in the sudden darkness. He could feel the warm breathes against his exposed skin.

"Yeah?"

"Before we head under those covers... I have something to tell you..."

Michael was expecting something fairly profound, so he leaned toward Brian, listening closely.

Brian took advantage of Michael's interest as he dipped his head, to Michael's ear. "Someone stole all your underwear, Mikey." He put out his tongue to lick the lobe.

"Ewe!" Michael giggled at the tickling sensation, rubbing away the slobber. "Thanks for the news flash! They're in the dryer... probably only semi-dry since the power went out."

"Want me to go check?" Brian made a move like he'd be willing to venture out into the scary blackened portions of the house just to make Michael feel comfortable.

Michael soon realized an interesting fact. "What are you wearing under those sweatpants?"

Brian grinned, smoothing his palms together. "Nothing. Why?" His head disappeared again to brush his nose against Michael's face, neck and upper chest.

Michael blushed, wiping a hand over his warm forehead. This was going to be as close as he would get to being completely naked with Brian. Great! He could almost feel himself getting *sick* in light of Brian's adventure in the rainstorm. "No reason. Ready?" He peeled back the thick comforter to allow Brian the chance to enter first. "After you." He waved Brian in.

Brian did as requested, holding the blankets open for Michael to crawl under.

Once Michael was completely in, they both drew the linens up and over their heads. The comics and flashlight were brought out and used to eat up time.

Half-way through the third comic, of seven issues of Captain Astro and Galaxy Lad Adventures... Brian turned off the flashlight.

"Brian, I can't..." Michael rested the comic book facedown on his chest.

Under the layers of covers and thick flannel, Brian was propped on pillows against the headboard, Michael resting on his chest. Brian's arms were laced around Michael's torso. The flashlight on his shoulder.

Brian bent his forehead to Michael's shoulder. He inhaled the clean cotton scent that constantly reminded him of bittersweet memories. "Hush, Mikey. Give me a minute. Just... be quiet."

"Of course, I'm sor-..." Michael zipped his lips. He could feel the beginning shakes of Brian's chest. He thought it was another coughing fit. "Do you need some water?" Then he felt the drops of moisture on his neck. "Oh... dear..."

Brian sniffed his quiet sobs against Michael's back. "Sorry." He muttered into the soft material under his cheek.

Flipping over in Brian's embrace, Michael moved to lay over the shaking body under him, hoping to soothe the pain away. "I wish I could..." He began silently crying along with his best friend.

"I know, Mikey... I know..."

Michael pushed away the rest of the comics that didn't get read and readjusted their bodies to hold Brian in his arms, the way he always had... from day one.

No one saw, or heard, from the two best friends, until the early morning light.

Debbie drove them both to school with no comments.  


_ **   


**~~ &&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~**   


  
**PRESENT TIME :**

Brian didn't know what woke him up the next morning.

Man, he had a nice dream. About Mikey.

He felt the tight, small form brush up against his backside, seeking warmth... and, quite possibly some Rise-N-Shine Lovin'.

A beaming smile infiltrated his usual stoic face in the morning hours.

He tried to get up, but an arm was enveloped tightly about his upper chest. He tried to unglue the fingers from his skin, but it was almost worthless to attempt. The five fingers seemed suctioned to his pale skin.

It was just a simple hand, yet it represented someone very special in his heart... and, now, his life.

Asking him to move in had been a big step for Brian.

After all the false starts and other lives they had lived before and during this moment, the quick acceptance was what had thrown Brian.

Brian glanced down at the third finger of the hand that wouldn't let him go. The thick silver intertwined bands represented another big step he was thinking about agreeing to take, with a little ass kickin' and proddin'... and with enough tender, loving care and limitless understanding.

A cry sounded from the inner recesses of the living room, in the loft.

"Fuck!" Brian groaned, throwing a pillow over his head.

"Wa!" Michael shot up in the bed. "Whoa!" His head wobbled on his shoulders. Shit! He'd woken up too fast.

"Lay back down, Mikey. I'll get her." Brian grumbled, making this seem like a big deal. He'd finally been set free from his "Michael" prison. He soothed a hand along Michael's disappearing forearm, caressing the fine dark hairs.

"But it's my turn, Brian."

Brian sat up on the side of the king-sized bed to slip on his boxer briefs from the floor. "You wanna wrestle naked for her?" He made a move like he was going to take off his underwear again.

Michael lay back on their pillows, throwing an arm over his eyes, unsure if he could see or not. He'd been sleeping so deeply after their marathon sex-capade under the covers, trying NOT to wake up the sleeping baby they were babysitting. "Nah... you wore me out. I forfeit. She's yours... this time." Michael rolled over onto his stomach, grabbing for Brian's vacated pillow. He buried his face in it. "I'll be waiting here for your return." He flashed Brian a smidgen of his naked butt cheek to make him desire to make a hasty return to bed.

Brian let out a long, wolf-whistle in appreciation. "That's your best side, Michael."

"Oh... don't flatter me. I can see beyond your bullshit."

Brian shrugged, knowing that too many years together made it easy to have conversations, almost missing sentences or answering questions you already knew answers to. "Fine... be that way. See if I come back to bed." He stomped off through the bedroom, down the steps into the living room toward the baby crib set up near the large windows.

The curly raven-haired infant pulled herself up to her feet, gurgling in eager anticipation of one of her favorite people coming toward her. She blew spit bubbles which erupted out of her mouth as she chewed on the antique cherry wood of her very expensive, heirloom crib.

"That is so uncanny, sweetie. The same thing happens to your father whenever he sees me, too." Brian mimicked the baby's hands-reaching-out motion, corresponding the proper noises, as well. He hefted the sweet smelling baby into his arms, swinging her in the air and blowing *raspberries* on her bare, chubby belly.

The baby kicked out her feet, trying out some unlearned karate moves on Brian's upper chest, or she was trying to dance to some rhythm in her head.

Hazel eyes glanced up at deep chocolate ones smiling down at him.

"I do that to your father, too... but I don't get the same response. Don't tell him I told you. 'Kay?" Brian brought the baby back down to gently kiss her soft downy ebony curls.

Her head simply nodded of it's own accord, as if she was answering Brian. Her large noggin lulled forward, bumping against Brian's stubbled jaw. He pressed his lips to her temple. She then decided to chew on her fist, making a nice, kind offer to let Brian have a taste.

"No thanks, sweetie. You keep that one for yourself." Brian still showed he loved her by gnawing on her baby forearm. She giggled at the tickles that ran down her limb.

Brian almost dropped his jaw, a chill running down his spine. God Damn!! He'd never get used to her laugh. It reminded him too much of Michael. He paced away from the crib to bring father and daughter together, like it was meant to be.

Brian set the baby on her feet, which she barely had a steady handle of, and *walked* her toward Michael's arched back. Brian was on his knees on the bed, behind the baby. He took her mini-fist (the slobbered one) and tapped Michael on the shoulder.

"Hey, Mikey! Guess what?" Brian whispered loudly in his best child's voice.

"Whatrgh?" Michael mumbled against the pillow surface.

Brian continued to tap Michel's shoulder with his own daughter's hand. "Miiiikkkkeeeyyyy!"

Michael flipped over in aggravation, thinking it was just Brian. He didn't realize his baby daughter was grinning down at him from her levitating position in the air. "Brian... put her down."

"Look at her, Mikey. She's got super powers. One glance at those eyes and you're mesmerized, floating like a cloud."

Michael lifted his arms to take her from Brian, before he dropped her. "Give her to me."

"Kiss Dee Bay-Bee!!" Brian chanted as he floated the baby above Michael. She was enjoying herself as she giggled uncontrollably.

"Brian, I said... put her down. You'll make her sick."

Brian set the baby on Michael's naked chest. He brushed back the curls from her head. Her playful rump-jiggling made her diaper crinkle.

She was happy to see her two favorite people together. Not only did they give her way too much love and attention, but they showed similar feelings for one another. They always smiled for her and made her laugh out loud. She was thrilled at any time she got to spend with them, but loved them more when they were alone together. Just the three of them.

Brian shuffled quickly back under the thin covers, cuddling next to Michael's side. "I hate to admit this... barring the nature of this kid's mother... but... I think I love her." He tucked his head under Michael's chin, finding a crevice to hibernate in to drive his lover, and best friend, crazy with lust.

Michael removed his arm from under Brian's body to encircle it about the wide shoulders, cupping the boney part. The hand eventually moved up to comb through Brian's already just-got-outta-bed head. The bangs free from Brian's forehead, Michael's set his lips against the hot skin. "I feel the same..."

"I know." Brian shimmied out one of his own hands to smooth over the baby's soft facial cheek. She gurgled at his tender touch.

"You didn't let me finish."

"Oh..." Brian emphasized the *O*, with his moist lips.

The baby grabbed for Brian's hand, deciding it would make a new *chew toy* for her. She did what was normal for her lately, at this stage of her growing up... she tasted his fingers.

Brian allowed the *ick* factor to receded when his *Awww, how cute* factor increased as he continued to hear Michael giggle lightly under his ear. "Sorry... please continue."

"I meant what I said the other day, Brian. Whatever you want to do... is how we'll do... this." Michael's thumb self-consciously rolled the entwined rings on his right hand.

"You're content?"

"Always have been. You know that." Michael stated this like it was a known fact.

"I do, but it still amazes me that..."

"I love you too much to want you any other way than how you've been with me all the years we've known one another. I took a chance on you, when we were fourteen... and I can't give up now. You're too invaluable to me... my life and my heart. Without you I'm..."

"Lost."

"Yeah, but..."

"Alone."

"Uh... sure, but..."

"Incomplete. Feel like you're missing a piece of who you are."

"Brian..."

"Yeah?"

"I can talk for myself."

"I know. I'm just afraid of what I might hear."

"Why?"

"Because it's what I've always wanted to hear, for too long. And I can't figure out which one of us was more foolish to let these moments pass us by."

Michael fidgeted, bringing the baby off his stomach to sit in between he and Brian's bodies, facing each other on the bed.

They enjoyed the king-sized mattress, but Brian and Michael always managed to find one another in the massive area of sleeping space. Center, right side of the bed, left side of the bed, sideways, crossways, back-to-front/front-to-back, spooned, cocooned, facing each other (like they were now), both on their backs, huddled together or one on top, causing the body on the bottom to savor the heavy weight in secret delight.

Their bodies always found one another, despite crawling into different sides of the bed.

Brian never felt comfortable with Michael staring at him like he was at this minute. Like he was ready to go another six rounds of their intense sexual activity.

Why did Michael always get more horny when they had babysitting duties?

"Brian..."

"Michael, I..."

Michael bent his arm under his head as he lay on his side. He reached out to rub the baby's back. She was finding her pudgy feet very interesting. "I know you think I've been waiting for your response, but... I'm not."

"You deserve..." Brian placed his own arm under his head, just like Michael had.

"I have all that I could ever want, Brian. I keep telling you that. When will you believe me?"

Brian reached out to play with one of the baby's feet. "Never. It's like you've allowed me to slip through the cracks, cutting me too much slack. You need to be a little more aggressive, Mikey..." He pushed his body up on his elbow to cover the baby's innocent ears. He then loudly whispered his next words. "... like you are in bed."

Raising his own body to a similar angle, Michael leaned over to caress Brian's cheek, his thumb scraping along the sensitive lips. "I don't need to be told, again and again, what I've already known for myself all these years. It just took me awhile to weed through all your bullshit." He removed the bed sheet over his lower body to exit the bed. Brian snatched his wrist before he lost him. "What? What's wrong?"

"Nothing bad... or terribly awful..." Brian shrugged his shoulders, unsure of how to go about revealing his long-awaited answer to Michael's question from a few days ago. "I just...well, I need your undivided attention for just a few minutes."

Michael slowly came back into bed. "Brian... what's going on?"

Dreaming about Michael had always given him an askewed view into their past that he never had before. He usually found himself playing the role of his best friend, able to sense every feeling... the intense love, the heartache, the tears, the pain and the hopefulness that the future DID look bright for them. He learned what he had put Michael through, completely blown away that Michael hadn't left him to his own devices years ago.

Brian cleared his throat to begin. "You've always been there for me at the end of every day. Loyally by my side, you've been beyond patient with me." He arranged himself to sit Indian style on the mattress. He tugged the baby to relax, cupped in his lap, her back against his chest.

"You're worth everything to me."

"Even when I made you doubt, still you kept me steady on my feet. Life brought me down, but you kept me sane." Brian needed to keep his distance, but it was difficult when Michael moved to approach him, inch by slow inch. He put out a hand to stop him. "Sometimes..." He snickered to himself. "I feel like we've known one another forever..." Michael joined in the chuckles. "... yet, there are times I think it's still not enough. No matter what I've done, where I've been or where I was... I can always count on you still being here, time and time again." Brian shook his head in wonder. "I don't know where you get the stamina. If I had a best friend like me, I would have thrown in the towel a long time ago."

Michael decided to lay back down to listen intently to the words coming from Brian. It was rare to get these moments, so he needed to soak it in. "When you love someone, you accept all that they are, even the bad and rough shit. You don't pussy-out on them. You taught me that, Brian. You swore, up-n-down, you knew everything there was to know about life. You were going to teach me the ways of the world."

"Yeah... and despite *saying* that, I never did. I ended up becoming the *student* to your *teacher*. It was all in how I carried myself. I made every word I said sound like I knew what I was talking about. I wasn't sure I believed my own self half the time. Though there was one thing I was certain of... YOU, Mikey. And it seems to be the only thing I've gotten right, so far, in my fucked up life."

Michael zeroed his eyes onto Brian's beautiful features as they changed into one serious look of intense feeling for the man he was staring at.

What floored Michael was that it had turned out to be HIM... all this time.

With nothing and no one distracting Brian... he had attempted to make his feelings known. "I can't bear to put up the front and continue to fight, struggling for dominance. I have to learn to give in. I think *I* deserve some pleasant memories for my future, just like the ones in my past. I've been finding all that's good in my life has been centered around you." He used the baby as a shield, playing with her feet and kissing the top of her fuzzy dark head. He inhaled her baby powder scent that tended to *ground* him in a very weird way. Like he was letting long ago daydreams resurface concerning a happier future for himself. One that included a home of his own, children who he could raise with someone he loved and share in a marriage of two bonded souls that seemed complete when they were together, not so good when they were apart.

Michael's brow lifted in befuddlement. He wasn't sure where Brian was going with this. "What are you saying, Brian?"

"I'm saying... YOU are my answer... And... yes..." Brian lay back, on his own pillow, beside Michael, holding the baby protectively to his chest. He had to rest in case he felt faint, or something equally as debilitating, by giving away his most precious secret.

"Yes..." Michael, at first, didn't understand what the answer meant. "Yes?" But then he began to mull over their last conversation together. That was when Michael had popped the BIG question. "YES!!" He put a hand to his mouth to stem his initial surprise. He quickly turned his head toward Brian on their shared pillows. "Are you serious?" Michael whispered in shock.

Brian lifted his head to look at Michael. "As a heart attack." He bit his lip in his nervous state. "Which is what I'm gonna have if you don't get over here and kiss me senseless."

Michael rolled onto his side to reach out and touch Brian's cheek. He leaned forward to press his lips to Brian's mouth and began a slow process of telling him how much his answer meant to him. At one point he broke apart from Brian to take a little breather. "How was that?" He slid his hand over Brian's face, leaning his forehead against Brian's.

"I liked it, but I know you can do better... just not with the baby between us." Brian looked down at her in his arms.

Michael's hand reached out to brush back the raven black curls on his daughter's smiling face. "I can't believe you said *yes*." He was flabbergasted at how much Brian was willing to give up for him. Slowly, but surely Brian was letting him into his world, deeper and deeper, making their connection even stronger than possible. "Are you sure you wanna do as the *breeders* do? I can't see you planning a huge wedding."

Brian shook his head in decline. "I don't need much, except you there and maybe a witness. The problem is... whom do we choose?" He wrapped an arm around Michael's neck to draw him to his side.

"Why would you even want to include any of our friends or family? Sometimes they became our worst enemies."

"I know, but we can't elope and stick our middle finger up in their general direction. You might have second thoughts later on. I don't want you to regret anything we might do from now on." Brian was looking down at Michael's wide chocolate eyes as they contemplated what Brian just said. "No."

"What? I didn't say anything."

"Michael, I know you, better than I know myself. Running away to get hitched isn't gonna make a difference in the scheme of things."

Michael smiled secretly. "I don't care about pleasing others or what I'll think about what we did in the past, and present, that will make me re-think myself in the future. Right now... I just want to be with you and take care of Gus and the baby. I can't worry about anything, or anybody, else."

Brian couldn't believe what Michael was stating out loud. What had come over His Mikey? "You really want to elope?"

"Why not? The weekend's coming up... Mel and Linds will be back, hopefully, and we can leave on Friday after I close the store and you can..." Michael realized something as he began to come up with their travel plans. "Wait... what am I saying? We both own our own businesses..."

Brian smirked, shaking his head. "We don't have to show up at all."

"Exactly!"

In one hurried move, Brian set the baby up near the headboard, safely surrounded by pillows. She lay just above Michael's head. He flipped Michael over on his back, pulling the thin sheets over their heads. "Where did you find this fierce rebel in you? I kind of like it."

Michael giggled, reaching up to cup Brian's shoulders above him as he thrust his naked groin up to Brian's clothed one. Both of them could feel the intense heat and stiffness beneath. "Brian, remember the baby's here... so behave." This made him send down his hands along Brian's beautifully sculpted body, stopping at the elastic band of the underwear and cupping the well-rounded ass. His fingers delved into the crack, massaging the sensitive skin.

"Mikey! I think..." Brian groaned into Michael's mouth, rubbing his nose with Michael's.

"What?"

Brian let out a deep sigh. "I think you'll make... a wonderful wife and mother."

Michael proceeded to change his whole idea of attacking Brian and began tickling him. "Take that back, Brian!"

"Wish I could, but it's already out there." Brian chuckled and rolled around on the mattress trying to avoid Michael's fingers.

All the baby could see was two lumps moving and shuffling about on the bed. The amount of laughter coming from under the sheets made her giggle, as well. She knew she'd have to wait a bit before she saw either of their faces. She grabbed at her ankles, patting her chubby legs and thighs in glee.

At one point they stopped, someone on top of somebody, their arms and legs entwined. They were both out of breath. Lips met the other's mouth and soon... in between the long drawn out, slobbery wet smooches... you could faintly hear..

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"I love you, Mikey."

"I love YOU, Brian Kinney."

"I LOVE YOU, MICHAEL CHARLES NOVOTNY KINNEY."

"I like the sound of that. Maybe I'll shorten it to Michael Kinney."

"Hmmm... that does have a nice ring to it."

"Speaking of rings... would you like me to...?"

"Put the ring on my finger? Of course... but... you have to catch me first..."

Michael clamped every single limb around Brian, unable to let him go at all.

"No fair." Brian chuckled like a little boy.

"You don't mind." Michael teased as he hung off of Brian's body like a swinging monkey, clinging in all the right places.

"Nah... I don't mind this in the very least."

The baby moved to crawl to her knees as she began to search the lumps laying crossways on the bed. She ventured over, sending out a hand to pat whatever body parts she came into contact with. She gurgled and giggled in anticipation of what might happen when the two men came up from under the covers.

Didn't help that she planted a good wallop on Brian's butt first.

"Mikey? Was that you?"

Michael raised a dark eyebrow. "No... both MY hands are on your..."

Both men stared curiously into one another's eyes, pausing for only a second... then the next *spanking* happened.

"Damn, Mikey! She's your spittin' image! This... could get really creepy... or perverted... awfully fast."

"Kiss Dee Bay-Bee!!" The baby loudly proclaimed as she brought back her little palm for another smack.

"And where exactly did she learn that phrase from, my equally held accountable partner in this relationship?" Michael had to laugh at the absurd hilarity of this very moment.

Brian made a face at the wording Michael had used to call him. "Man, that is kind of a mouthful. We'll have to come up with different names for ourselves when we tell other people."

"How about... Hmmm... I call you *Brian*... and you can call me *Michael*? And most important we never address ownership of someone when identifying them to complete strangers. My *Blank*... or my *Blankety-Blank*. That's not WHO we are."

Brian pinned Michael's arms to his side. "Can I simply call you... *mine*?"

"I like that one. Sure. Use it. Can *I* call you *sweetheart*?"

"Don't be flippant, Mikey."

"I'm not. It's a moot point that you like to ponder at odd times when I'd rather..."

The baby squealed as a reminder that she was being left unattended.

Michael cleared his throat and removed his hands from Brian's underwear. "... be watching my daughter with you."

Brian grinned sheepishly, winking as he uncovered their heads to see where the baby had moseyed off to. "I'd rather be... watching you... naked and dripping wet... in the shower..." He dipped his head to speak directly into Michael's ear, knowing how sensitive his lobes were.

The baby sat back down when she got slightly bored from them not coming out soon enough, but she was willing to wait.

In the end, they were always worth the time lost.

**==========THE END==========**   


  



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